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This last week my friend Rhea at The Cocktail Café asked me a question that really got me thinking. Really THINKING!
She asked me what a single mom was and if being a single mom was different then being, well not a single mom. Yes I am married and yes I am a mom. I am married to the father of my two kids so by definition I have never been a “single” mom.
But what is really a single mom. It depends on who you ask and how they perceive the word “single”. And is being a single mom different then being a married mom?
When I hear Single mom I think of a mom who is doing everything on her own, taking care of the kids, bringing home the bacon, and handling the household without any assistance. Something I’m not sure I could handle and I’m amazed by the moms who do.
Then there is the single mom that does mostly everything but gets outside assistance from the father or from her family and friends. The Hubs and I live too far away from family so the only support group we currently have is ourselves. That doesn’t say much when you want to do things as just a couple. We have to pay for daycare while we work; we have to pay a babysitter if we want to go out.
Then there is what I like to call the “single mom syndrome” mom. A mom with single mom syndrome is a mom who is married but still cares for the children exclusively, brings home the bacon and does most of the household work. They don’t usually have family around to help out. In fact it doesn’t even have to be something that happens all the time, it can be on occasion. Say dad is a pilot or in the service or dad just travels a lot.
I am a married mother but sometimes I feel bouts of the single mom syndrome. It can be hard to get the Hubs to participate in the housework and various other things around the house that it makes me feel like I’m doing it all alone. It’s not all the time but it happens from time to time. I can’t be the only mom that feels that way.
Listen in as Rhea from the Cocktail Café talks about Single vs. Married moms on blogtalkradio.com.
What is your definition of a single mom? Have you experienced the single mom syndrome?
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I so feel you on the bouts of single mom syndrome. Although married, alot of the chores and other things fall on me and I’m sure that’s the case for most moms out there. It comes with the territory. My husband does say he will help out more, but I have to give him a list, which still means work for me. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
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I really enjoy this post and I actually agree with all of your definitions. I am not a single mom and never have been. After having my son I felt I had single mom syndrome or the Supermom virus. I watched my mom do it all by herself and figured I should be able to and some since I am married. Needless to say that idea left after feeling stressed and disappointed. So no more single mom syndrome for me.
I agree that being you can be married and have single mom syndrome…. I do not personally have it becuase my husband has a regular 9-5ish job and is home to help me out.. but i have friends and family who have their husbands working lots of long hours and do feel this way! So no you are not alone.
I am totally a victim of SMS. My hubs is a cop and isn’t around to help out during the rush hours of my day (morning and evening). I totally feel like a single mom – except for the working outside the home thing. I don’t know how working moms do it.
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I am not single but at times I do feel like a single mom. My husband’s schedule keeps him working long hours and traveling so I go it alone a lot. I can completely relate to the point in this post!
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I think I suffer from the single mom syndrome too. My husband is a first year resident at our local hospital and has the most horrible hours. We never see him so he isn’t able to help out at all.
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Oh boy I have I been there for the last seven years! Hub started a new job when I was pregnant with our first (who’s 7 now) and then my secon d child came along (4 now). All of the long hours at work left me to do it all… housework, doctors appts., grocery shopping, majority of the housework, majority of the home repairs, taking the cars to get them fixed, yadda yadda. I’ve done it all and have really been lonely at going it all alone. And when I said something about I was really just like a single mom (doing most of it all by myself) some time back, he got offended! OMG… give me a break. I’ve no family or sitters to help out. Oh yeah, and I work outside the home. I’m glad to see there are other moms like me. So ladies, I’m going shopping. Time for mommy to get some new girly (not mommy!) clothes, get a sitter, and go out with some friends. I have to have some kind of break. This ain’t what I signed up for and I’m not dead yet! It’s time to find myself again. I know “she”s still in there and I miss her.
Ok, so no one has posted here for a year, but I thought I’d post something anyway in case any one stumbles upon it and because it’s just good therapy! I am a single mom. I was married to my children’s father for 8 years and, during that time, I felt I had SMS. My exhusband traveled 50% with his career and I definitely did all household chores on my own. It was difficult and frustrating. The difference between SMS and actually being a single mom, though, is he came home and was there emotionally for the kids. I could take a breather from being mommy, hide out in the bedroom and watch chic flicks, read while he played with them, or grade papers (I’m a 5th grade teacher). He lives over 700 miles away now and when the kids drive me crazy, I turn on Diego and lock myself in my room with a glass of cherry vodka. I bet there are some married moms out there who do that. I think being a mom is hard no matter what. Every situation is different whether you are married or single. Either way, it’s never easy being a mom. I personally like being a REAL single mom now…at least I have one less kid to worry about!